La saison du plus fort

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Coup de Gueule
2012-09
Cet article a été publié dans: 
Numéro 55 - Septembre 2012

C’est bien connu, la saison du plus fort est toujours la meilleure. Cette année la saison estivale tant attendue n’a pas déçu les libanais d’outre-mer ainsi que les quelques touristes irresponsables venus dépenser leurs économies en contrepartie d’un service allant à veau l’eau, de prix défiant  la Team Lebanon à l’ascension des sommets de la planète, de routes délabrées lorsqu’elles ne sont pas bloquées par des pneus enflammés.
A défaut d’inventer la roue, les libanais ont réinventé le pneu… et le tourisme d’extrême.
Notre slogan touristique devrait impérativement se transformer en conséquence ; A la recherche de sensations nouvelles ? En manque d’une pointe d’exotisme ? Kidnapping, empoisonnement alimentaire, accident de la route, vol à la tire, agression à main armée, balle perdue, suffocation… Au Liban, ensemble, la vie devient impossible !
Je croyais ne jamais pouvoir comprendre ce qui pousse nos compatriotes de l’étranger à venir dépenser des fortunes dans un pays aux avantages touristiques approximatifs alors qu’au prix d’une location de voiture, de chalet ou appartement souvent en piètre état, de sorties à la plage ruineuses, d’alcool frelaté, d’essence surtaxé, ils pourraient se payer des vacances de rêves, location de villa incluse, dans des paradis touristiques dignes de ce nom.
C’est en observant les encagoulés qui ont fait leur récente apparition médiatisée à outrance que j’ai enfin compris la logique qui n’en est pas une, et qui régit l’inconscient des libanais. Nous sommes profondément marqués par la loi du plus fort. Notre système confessionnel a bien fait les choses, nous sommes volontairement soumis à ce désir  inavoué de vivre dans la crainte d’un embrasement général, d’un chaos ambiant, du manque total des principes élémentaires de la vie en société…bref, les animaux sauvages aiment la Jungle, et celle-ci le leur rend si bien. Ceux d’entre nous qui réussissent à échapper à ce destin inexorable reviendront rarement aux sources. Ils auront réussi à se défaire définitivement du joug de la patrie infanticide. Grand bien leur fasse.
Quant à nous autres, idéalistes imbéciles, patriotes masochistes, nous continueront à nous auto-flageller au nom d’un Liban qui devrait être reconstruit depuis le temps que l’on entend la fameuse chanson et qui n’a plus de vert que la morve qui pendouille au nez des responsables jurassiques indéboulonnables.
Cette saison, et celles qui suivront seront toujours les mêmes au sein d’un état auquel il reste quand même le monopole du ridicule. Ce qui n’est pas rien, étant donné que chez nous, le ridicule tue.